Amazon.com: He's Scared, She's Scared : Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships: Books: Steven Carter,Julia Sokol

Amazon.com: He's Scared, She's Scared : Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships: Books: Steven Carter,Julia Sokol

This is another book in the "increase self knowledge" stack. It was recommended by a therapist, though I'm pretty sure another has since questioned the recommendation. Regardless, reading the jacket and intro and all I didn't really think much of this applied to me... but, on reading the chapter on 16 commitment fears I found 9 of them described me to the T, and I identified to some degree with 5 of the other 6.

I wonder at the wisdom in the sorts of classifications offered in these books, especially when I can see elements of competing types in myself depending on the situation, perspective, or context. Simultaneously, I am thankful for the new vocabulary and concepts.

In any case, this "increase self knowledge" resolution is clearly the first step on what promises to be a very long road...

UPDATE 01/31/06: The first therapist was right (and the second realizes it now). Without qualification, this is the most important book I've ever read. In a time of personal crisis it has given me the tools to recognize my powerful (but deeply burried) commitment fears, to understand the state of fantasy (and denial) I had been living in for years, and to begin changing my profoundly destructive (and hurtful) behavior. The knowledge of what I've been and done is devastating, but I hold out hope of healing and reconciling now that I am... awake.

And, honestly, we really should teach this stuff in the 9th grade. :)