Amazon.com: He's Scared, She's Scared : Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships: Books: Steven Carter,Julia Sokol

Amazon.com: He's Scared, She's Scared : Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships: Books: Steven Carter,Julia Sokol

This is another book in the "increase self knowledge" stack. It was recommended by a therapist, though I'm pretty sure another has since questioned the recommendation. Regardless, reading the jacket and intro and all I didn't really think much of this applied to me... but, on reading the chapter on 16 commitment fears I found 9 of them described me to the T, and I identified to some degree with 5 of the other 6.

I wonder at the wisdom in the sorts of classifications offered in these books, especially when I can see elements of competing types in myself depending on the situation, perspective, or context. Simultaneously, I am thankful for the new vocabulary and concepts.

In any case, this "increase self knowledge" resolution is clearly the first step on what promises to be a very long road...

UPDATE 01/31/06: The first therapist was right (and the second realizes it now). Without qualification, this is the most important book I've ever read. In a time of personal crisis it has given me the tools to recognize my powerful (but deeply burried) commitment fears, to understand the state of fantasy (and denial) I had been living in for years, and to begin changing my profoundly destructive (and hurtful) behavior. The knowledge of what I've been and done is devastating, but I hold out hope of healing and reconciling now that I am... awake.

And, honestly, we really should teach this stuff in the 9th grade. :)

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate: Books: Gary Chapman

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate: Books: Gary Chapman

I am currently making my way through this book, also courtesy of Eva (and her friend Julie), and it too has been eye opening. They really should teach this kind of stuff early in life, which is a thought that makes me excited about the "Using Technology to Support the Whole Child" presentation Stacy Deeble-Reynolds is cooking up at the OCDE.

Oops... some educational technology leeked over here. Maybe I should call this blog "Life and Educational Technology." :)

At any rate, this book also has a supporting website that looks interesting.

NOTE: Initially, I accidentally posted this from Mars Edit to Educational Technology and Life... the wrong blog!

Self Matters : Creating Your Life from the Inside Out: Books: Dr. Phil McGraw

Self Matters : Creating Your Life from the Inside Out: Books: Dr. Phil McGraw

While I continue to install software on my holiday, I will play again with the concept of the "...and Life" blog, as a separate entity from the Educational Technology and Life blog. I never thought I would read a Dr. Phil book (but I've done much I thought I would never do in the last few months), and I certainly never thought I would find a Dr. Phil book so helpful.. wordy perhaps, but helpful.

During my recent hermitage (during the first week of the year) I used this book, which Eva gave me, to sort out some of my priorities by first sorting out some elements of who I am... the book led me through identifying many of my defining moments, critical decisions, and pivotal people... and then a process of testing my reactions to these things to discover whether these reactions were ones that benefited my concept of self, or else distorted it. If any reaction was not something I was happy with, I was urged to consider authentic alternatives. There is also a five step plan for putting all of this knowledge to work in daily life.

Update: It turns out there is a part of Dr. Phil's website dedicated to the topic of Self Matters.